Am I To Blame?

Several things have added up to the realization that my six year old suffers from Sleep Apnea. I am feeling like this is all my fault, as if I could've done something differently while pregnant with him. I'm feeling especially guilty about this because his brother, my two year old, suffers from several allergies, including; egg, nut, dogs, grass, etc. I feel like I've brought these boys into the world and because I wasn't well prepared while carrying them in the womb, they both suffer from things which are out of my control, now.

For years, my husband and I have allowed Logan to sleep with us at night. I've never before spoken to anyone about him sleeping with us because I've felt as if others would think I am not doing my parenting job. Their opinions would further my concerns that I am failing, already, as a parent.

When he started Kindergarten last year, we had him begin sleeping in his bed in his own room. We weren't successful with this because Logan was so used to sleeping with someone and would become scared when he'd awake in the night to find himself alone. This resulted in little sleep, for everyone. After a few weeks of giving this a try, we decided to move his little brother into the same room with him. Well, that didn't work because Levi would wake one to two times a night, which would wake Logan. It seemed like neither of them would sleep at the same time, each taking turns waking the other. So, JT and I allowed Logan to begin sleeping with us again during the summer break, after Kindergarten. When First grade was approaching, we began having Logan sleep in his bed again, thinking that Levi and Logan would be able to sleep in the same room, now, since Levi stopped waking during the night. I would lay next to Logan in his bed to help him fall asleep. Logan's INTENSE, unusual snoring, gasping and choking would wake Levi. Therefore, we moved Logan into his own room, again. I've been sleeping with him ever since because his breathing scares me at night. His chest rises and falls so deeply in an odd way, he stops breathing for several seconds at a time (sometimes I wake him so he'll start breathing again), he snores so heavily which often causes gasping and choking, he wets the bed - even when he doesn't drink 2 hours before bedtime, he sleeps in the oddest positions, restless sleep, and his mouth doesn't open much at all for him to breathe through causing spit buildup between his lips, obstructing what little mouth breathing he gets. He is extremely underweight for his age and height, has trouble concentrating, and he's having trouble in school.

A woman discovers she is pregnant, attempts to do all she can to take care of the fetus growing inside of her by eating right, taking vitamins, exercising appropriately...etc. Your sole wish is that your child will be healthy and strong and you know you are responsible for providing the beginning nourishment and a healthy atmosphere for him to grow in. I didn't succeed in this. For either of my boys. I let them both down and now they both suffer with so much. How could I have failed so badly when I had such good intentions. They deserve better than me.